Last night I had a guest here who knows some yoga, so we started doing all these different poses.
It was cool to see how the body could balance and become capable of moving - as though in air, or from a line of balance- and stretch. The rolling of the front part of the body forward, with a counter motion of moving back, and then finding the balance physically, so easy when this forward/backward motion established the space - as how I see this at this moment.
There were a couple of positions I could not do at all. It was like I could not see them, not find the balance point. I would have to do them again and again and then suddenly it would be there.
So, I looked at this and tried this -for me- difficult position. Nothing was there, like no sense was there, like a blank was there, whereas in other things I found the balance.
This would happen with the children in the schools, I would try to explain something and they would just stare into space as though they were looking for something. And no matter how many times I tried to explain the thing in another way, that stare, that blank stare was what I got. I would look at this and ask what this was, this seeming blankness.
Is it that there is no information there for the child to reach, as what they are already as mind, with no physical common sense ability with what is here? Since they have not developed any common sense, physical common sense, could they even manage to, even though they are young and limber - supposedly- sense quickly how to find balance and move their physical bodies?
I taught in a classroom and in a music room in an elementary school. The same children who were “frozen” within the demands of the classroom were also frozen within the music class and would not/ believed themselves unable to, sing.
There were some who could sing, but they were - on average not what would be called the best students. Yet, sometimes these ‘not what is considered the best” students could sing more freely that the best academically performing students. It is like the spectrum from the worst students to the best students, in elementary school, had the ones most free, naturally, within singing and music were the middle children.
If I look at the two classes where I got to know the children, the student’s who were restless within the class, meaning they did the work but averaged a B, as though they were restless and bored, or had the manners to comply but, could find no sense or stimulation within this. It was interesting that the top academically performing children were not that strong in music.
The children who were blank were also not the strong one’s in music.
Because I was always subbing in the schools I would inevitably end up in the school music concerts in each school. I would look at the children singing in the choir, and I knew, from being in the classroom and the music room, through the behaviors of the children as they sang in the choir, and because I had played in orchestras, I could hear the sounds even from a distance. So I could see who was actually singing, and who was holding back, which we can all see if we fucking look. And because I had two boys, the ages of most of these children, I would also see many of these children playing sports. And it was the same, the amount of focus and self “being there” presence of these children. And many who could not sing with comfort and had behaviors within their choral concerts, had the same behaviors following them within performance in sport.
No matter how much “bravado” appeared in the sport arena within them, that which was holding them back within the calm and music stood out one and the same, across the fields.
SO, this yoga “stance” that I could not find, where I new I had no sense physically of this position, where I caught others right away, with this one, I would get to point and not see it, I would become blank, meaning there was no sense “ ability” past a certain point here.
The question is why not? Why are these children unable to sense? Why are these children not able to sense across the boards? It makes no sense that there is no sense , common sense development, and that is all there is to it. This lack of common sense development is unacceptable.
This sense of what is here, also does not exist between people, how the fuck can people even have relationships, meaning exist with one anther if this is non-existent, this common sense?
But this ability to sense what is here, to the point where one can sing, or move beyond a moment of non-sensing, where the behavior is not of pulling back and hiding, but of being here, and not one of this blank spot - so to speak, but an ability to see through, move through, sense the existential “hole” met and to bring oneself here one and equal to what is here and thus be able to become one with the common sense of what is here, in totality, one and equal to the human physical body and the space of this world surrounding self, here, with this human physical body.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the children of this world are not being taught to use their common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I, as well have not been taught to use my common sense, and thus interact with this world, one and equal, in common sense, and that within this I have in fact never really lived.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which is seemingly intangible, as what is the real value, as myself as life has in no way been developed within this profit based system, where I have become knowledge and information, without any practical application, and thus have accepted and allowed behaviors to develop within and as children where the children cannot sing, cannot become one and equal to what is actually real, here, and end up staring into a blank hole in separation from the whole of existence, from their ability as life, that which enables life as what they are/we to be one and equal to what is here in common sense of what is real, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this is a criminal act to and towards life, to withhold the development of children in and as their ability as life to be in common sense of themselves in and as their human physical bodies, especially on a world, as earth, that gives of itself freely, having no signature of ownership but what man has allowed to be placed on this earth, turning this existence into a game of survival instead of a world where life is allowed to express itself in common sense as itself as life, one and equal to this physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the illnesses of children are caused through this withholding of common sense development in and as what they are, an instrument of life, and thus, as this life as what they are, capable of becoming one and equal to this physical world being one and equal in common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the nature of the child, as life, within a instrument of life as the physical body, composed of same substance, is being taught to separate from itself into limited ideas, beliefs and opinions and thus conquered into feeding a system of inequality, of service to watered down/limited/supposed lack of evidence as withholding details- non full disclosure ( which renders all laws moot because they are inconsiderate of the whole and since no one can really own anything- how can something be withheld that cannot really be owned? Is it not illegal to lend what is not owned?) thus are our children not allowed an education of full disclosure of what they are, which is life, where themselves as life, have an innately build in ability to be fucking common sense, and thus to withhold this development is a crime against life, Period.
Commitment statements to follow.